The mysterious masked racing driver of Top Gear. No one knows who he is, where he's from, or what he is...
You know him well - and yet you don't know him at all - he's the infallible, incomprehensible, and incredible Stig.
Some say...
He drinks a lot of petrol.
He was born in space.
He never blinks.
He roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.
He sleeps upside down like a bat.
His sweat can be used to clean precious metals.
His skin has the texture of dolphins.
If you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts.
He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down.
He is scared of bells.
He once punched a horse to the ground.
His politics are terrifying.
He lives in a tree.
He likes DragonBoarder.
He was raised by wolves.
He appears on high-value stamps in Sweden.
His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant.
He has no understanding of clouds.
His earwax tastes like Turkish Delight.
He is confused by stairs.
He naturally faces magnetic north.
He is illegal in 17 U.S. states.
His heart ticks like a watch.
All his legs are hydraulic.
He can "accumbularate".
He appears on Japanese banknotes.
There's an airport in Russia named after him.
He is wanted by the CIA.
His breath smells of magnesium.
He can catch fish with his tongue.
His tears are adhesive.
If set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days.
He is terrified of ducks.
His voice can only be heard by cats.
He has two sets of knees.
He can swim seven lengths underwater.
He has webbed buttocks.
He can melt concrete on contact.
He is more machine than man.
His heart is in upside down.
His teeth glow in the dark.
His favorite food is raw meat.
He has no age.
He urinates 98 RON petrol.
He can smell corners.
He has acid for blood.
Jimmy Carter wants him dead.
He has a bionic arm.
He has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh.
He is stumped by clouds.
He has no fear.
His ears aren't exactly where you would expect them to be.
He once, "preposterously", had an affair with John Prescott.
He has a digital face.
If he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar.
He has named every single blade of grass surrounding the Top Gear test track.
His genitals are on upside down.
If he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds.
His ears have a paisley lining.
He is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.
The outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring.
If given an important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet.
He invented Branston Pickle.
If you insult his mother, he will headbutt you in the chest.
On really warm days he sheds his skin, like a snake.
For some reason he's allergic to the Dutch.
His first name really is "The".
If he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant - including the cameramen.
He once threw a microwave oven at a tramp.
Long before anyone else, he realized that Jay Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs.
He once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner.
He was in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal.
If you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as picalilly.
At this week's Brit Awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand.
He sucks the moisture from ducks.
His crash helmet is modeled after Britney Spears' head.
He isn't machine washable.
All his potted plants are called Steve.
His scrotum has its own small gravity field.
Because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name...all we know is, he's called Cuddles.
He's banned from the town of Chichester.
In a recent late night deal he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh.
He gets terrible ezcema on his helmet.
If he'd been the video ref in the World Cup Rugby Final he would've seen that it was of course a try you blind Australian half-wit.
To unlock him you have to run your finger down his face.
If he were getting divorced from Paul McCartney he'd keep his stupid whining mouth shut.
He thought Star Wars was a documentry.
He recently pulled out of I'm a Celebrity because he's frightened of trees....and Australia...Koo Stark...and Ant...and Dec...
He knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong.
61 years ago he accidently introduced Her Majesty, the Queen, to a Greek racialist.
When he slows down, brake lights come on in his buttocks.
If he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week he wouldn't have been a feckless-ginger-gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us.
He once lost a canoe on a beach in the northeast.
He once did some time in a prison in Canterbury because his teddy is called "The Baby Jesus".
After making love, he bites the head off his partner.
He's had to give up binge drinking now that it's got to one pound eighteen a litre.
Each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples.
He thinks the credit crunch is some kind of breakfast cereal.
His droppings has been found as far north as York.
He has a full sized tattoo of his face...on his face.
He isn't allowed, by law, within a hundred yards of Lorraine Kelly.
He's never seen an episode of Top Gear because he's huge fan of Midsomer Murders.
It's impossible for him to wear socks.
He can open a beer bottle with his testes.
All we know is, he's called The Stig.
