Maybe it would make me feel better if I painted a picture of my doctor.
I don't think it will. You have to try and let that person go. It may be the hardest thing you have ever had to do but holding on to that person will be in vain and it may hurt you more. But that is my opinion.
I would paint the picture for myself. I would not do it for the doctor. I am devastated. What he did to me, I don't think I will ever get over it. He meant more to me than anyone in my life. I have not had any real relationship with my husband since then, I have not even been able to kiss him or be touched since what my doctor did. That does not mean I am pursuing him. He is the one losing out. Lost a person who couldn't have thought higher of him as a person, and lost his own integrity. But he must delight in destroying someone's life who only thought the best of him and held him in the highest regards and loved him. There isn't anything worse a person -- much less a trusted doctor -- could do to a person with autism who can count the number of best friends on less than the fingers of one hand and lost one of them who died a horrible way, breach the person's ability to trust and get close to someone, emotionally. Reward the good in the autistic person with utter devastation he knew it would cause -- after promising to be my doctor and my friend for a lifetime. (He promised lifetime medical care in his e-mails).
The only thing that changed was his sudden abandonment after he had to re-confirm my autism diagnosis -- when that happened, he called me a "vast waste," then .. abandoned his patient.
I don't think I will ever be able to trust anyone again or get close to anyone, ever.