hello, from Santiago Chile

[SovaNu]

i've not taken any guy's money, thanks very much. if you marry the wrong type of girls that's your fault. if there's some problem with your nutty NT wife, YOU married her, it's not like we're all like that. it's YOU have bad taste.

[driftingblizzard]

i've not taken any guy's money, thanks very much. if you marry the wrong type of girls that's your fault. if there's some problem with your nutty NT wife, YOU married her, it's not like we're all like that. it's YOU have bad taste.

Maybe not YET.  But like most women, you too will change over time and justify your later actions with the proponderance of "he's an asshole, I deserve to do this to him".

So how can any guy have good or bad taste, when what he is choosing will morph over time?

[Tristeza]

i've not taken any guy's money, thanks very much. if you marry the wrong type of girls that's your fault. if there's some problem with your nutty NT wife, YOU married her, it's not like we're all like that. it's YOU have bad taste.

Maybe not YET.  But like most women, you too will change over time and justify your later actions with the proponderance of "he's an asshole, I deserve to do this to him".

So how can any guy have good or bad taste, when what he is choosing will morph over time?

milla will never change - she'll always remain a sweetheart.  i hope you find someone like her someday. 

i think the kind of woman you're referring to - and there are a LOT of them - is the type who initially sizes up a guy as 'having potential,'  meaning they want to change him.  this side doesn't seem to be obvious to most men right away, so when it emerges after a commitment is established, it seems these women have 'changed.'  in reality, their agenda was there all along, just well-hidden (from the man and maybe even from her own self).

there are probably warning signs to watch out for in the initial stages...signs like making critical remarks about you, your preferences/tastes/appearance, your friends or family, etc.  basically if someone isn't going to accept you as you are, you have no need of them and you should run away quickly before you get involved.

[driftingblizzard]

That is some great advice, some of the best I heard here.  And you are right, I shouldn't paint with such a broad brush.  It will take me a while to find someone sweet like that and really be able to let my mind relax enough to believe her though. 

[Tristeza]

yeah, i understand why you'd be wary.  nothing wrong with that.  good luck with your search.   

[SovaNu]

aw triz you just prevented me from ripping him a new asshole

and i hate women like that. i just don't see what men see in them.

[Pyraxis]

basically if someone isn't going to accept you as you are, you have no need of them and you should run away quickly before you get involved.

and i hate women like that. i just don't see what men see in them.

Why oh why does everybody consider this such a negative trait? Self-improvement is part and parcel of who I am. I expect as much from my partner, and I would be bored as hell with somebody who did not expect the same of me.

In all the whining of people who feel like they can't be accepted for being themselves, where is the ambition to become something more?

[Tristeza]

Why oh why does everybody consider this such a negative trait? Self-improvement is part and parcel of who I am. I expect as much from my partner, and I would be bored as hell with somebody who did not expect the same of me.

i'm the same way.  but everyone's definition of self-improvement is different.  that's why everyone has to decide for themselves how (or if) they want to work on themselves, and their partner should respect their decisions. 

[Pyraxis]

Makes sense and agreed. I just get sick of it being paraded around like some hideously offensive faux pas.

[odeon]

basically if someone isn't going to accept you as you are, you have no need of them and you should run away quickly before you get involved.

and i hate women like that. i just don't see what men see in them.

Why oh why does everybody consider this such a negative trait? Self-improvement is part and parcel of who I am. I expect as much from my partner, and I would be bored as hell with somebody who did not expect the same of me.

In all the whining of people who feel like they can't be accepted for being themselves, where is the ambition to become something more?

It's not a negative trait in itself, if you're open about it. It can be, if you claim you don't want to change your partner but act based on some change you want to effect.

The only person you actually can change is you.

[Pyraxis]

It's not a negative trait in itself, if you're open about it. It can be, if you claim you don't want to change your partner but act based on some change you want to effect.

The only person you actually can change is you.

True. That's a balance I'm still learning, and I'm pretty sure I've caused hurt by coming on too strong. But sometimes, stagnancy runs so deep it needs something strong to force it out of its rut.

Of course, other times, anything strong just drives it deeper, and the only way out is to entice with kindness.

It's a fricking finicky art which I'm guessing you've spent some time perfecting. Or not. I don't really know you. 

But regardless, I think we're looking at the same thing.

[odeon]

Yes, I think we are looking at the same thing.

I don't know the art, though. Never did.

[Pyraxis]

But you may know the science, which is more than I do...

[odeon]

Could be. I think of it as common sense.

But thanks--I choose to read it as a compliment.

[Pyraxis]

It is. And I hope things work out between you and Vivi. I have some degree of sympathy for her at the moment.