antipsychotics

[Christopher McCandless]

it can't be depression. i'm perfectly happy as long as my circumstances are good and stable.

You call your current circumstances "good and stable"? Despite not being able to leave the house and essentially look after yourself.

there are problems but i do my best to practice lots of escapism. isn't depression an internal condition and unpleasant?

"Major depressive disorder (also known as clinical depression, major depression, unipolar depression, or unipolar disorder) is a mental disorder typically characterized by a pervasive low mood, low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities"

i get depressed because of PMS but other times i'm not depressed.

Not depressed or relatively less depressed?

i'm just not interested in the world besides TV.

Not even computer games or something more interactive?

it feels pointless. and i'm tired of life in general, cuz there's no energy and no... inner spark. i feel dead inside. something's definitely died.

Sounds like depression to me.

anyway sobriety is not an option either. and i can't leave the house. paranoid and agoraphobic.

So why is your mum enabling you then?

[TheoK]

SovaNu can't "sova nu" without booze. 

[TheoK]

Though I also mostly don't give a fuck about the NT infested piece-of-shit world outside my house or at least outside my village.

[Phlexor]

Funny enough, a lot of this bullshit can be pinned down to lack of exercise, which leaves me screwed.

[SovaNu]

yeah sure, it's lack of exercise. always the lazy fatasses have mental problems.

[TheoK]

Milla's brave! 

[Christopher McCandless]

yeah sure, it's lack of exercise. always the lazy fatasses have mental problems.

No but exercise keeps depression at bay to an extent. Plus people who are not confident in their appearance are more likely to be depressed

[SovaNu]

i'm not depressed. i'm just lonely and hate myself. and depressed people can't be assed to exercise.

So why is your mum enabling you then?

she recognizes i need a certain amount of alcohol to calm down. but i'd rather have meds that help the same way but i don't have any except tryptophan and gaba and gaba makes my heart race. but she keeps me in check. i tend to stay within the recommended amounts.

if i live alone my drinking gets out of hand. and i'm too paranoid to open the door for anyone and start to imagine people breaking in. i guess i could try it again and go on disability if i move back to finland, which is a possibility now that mom wants to move there. but i really was doing badly there. living here with mom gives me some kind of a bubble away from my past problems. maybe that is enabling and maybe that is me being too dependent, but there are people who actually are dependent for a reason. i don't feel good about it. i just dunno what to do other than go on disability, which i admit maybe i should do. i'm just afraid of changes and living alone again and being dependent on the government. it's scary.

anyway after learning more about dissociation i realize it makes a lot of sense to me. apparently it can start with some trauma that you dissociate from and then it becomes an automatic response to everything. there was also stuff about identity alteration, i didn't know that was a condition. i mean a recognized one.

http://www.isst-d.org/education/faq-dissociation.htm

More frequently, subtler forms of identity alteration can be observed when a person uses different voice tones, range of language, or facial expressions. These may be associated with a change in the patient’s world view. For example, during a discussion about fear, a client may initially feel young, vulnerable, and frightened, followed by a sudden shift to feeling hostile and callous. The person may express confusion about their feelings and perceptions, or may have difficulty remembering what they have just said, even though they do not claim to be a different person or have a different name. The patient may be able to confirm the experience of identity alteration, but often the part of the self that presents for therapy is not aware of the existence of dissociated self-states. If identity alteration is suspected, it may be confirmed by observation of amnesia for behavior and distinct changes in affect, speech patterns, demeanor and body language, and relationship to the therapist.

[Christopher McCandless]

i'm not depressed. i'm just lonely and hate myself. and depressed people can't be assed to exercise.

You sound anything but happy to me tbh. As for depressed people not bothering to exercise, totally not true.

So why is your mum enabling you then?

she recognizes i need a certain amount of alcohol to calm down. but i'd rather have meds that help the same way but i don't have any except tryptophan and gaba and gaba makes my heart race. but she keeps me in check. i tend to stay within the recommended amounts.

What exactly has the doctor precribed all this for, and what is self-medicating on alcohol actually doing for you?

if i live alone my drinking gets out of hand. and i'm too paranoid to open the door for anyone and start to imagine people breaking in. i guess i could try it again and go on disability if i move back to finland, which is a possibility now that mom wants to move there. but i really was doing badly there. living here with mom gives me some kind of a bubble away from my past problems. maybe that is enabling and maybe that is me being too dependent, but there are people who actually are dependent for a reason. i don't feel good about it. i just dunno what to do other than go on disability, which i admit maybe i should do. i'm just afraid of changes and living alone again and being dependent on the government. it's scary.

There are plenty of options - in an ideal world what would like to do. Many occupations you can actually do be teleworking, and you can certainly study for a degree by distance learning..

anyway after learning more about dissociation i realize it makes a lot of sense to me. apparently it can start with some trauma that you dissociate from and then it becomes an automatic response to everything. there was also stuff about identity alteration, i didn't know that was a condition. i mean a recognized one.

http://www.isst-d.org/education/faq-dissociation.htm

More frequently, subtler forms of identity alteration can be observed when a person uses different voice tones, range of language, or facial expressions. These may be associated with a change in the patient’s world view. For example, during a discussion about fear, a client may initially feel young, vulnerable, and frightened, followed by a sudden shift to feeling hostile and callous. The person may express confusion about their feelings and perceptions, or may have difficulty remembering what they have just said, even though they do not claim to be a different person or have a different name. The patient may be able to confirm the experience of identity alteration, but often the part of the self that presents for therapy is not aware of the existence of dissociated self-states. If identity alteration is suspected, it may be confirmed by observation of amnesia for behavior and distinct changes in affect, speech patterns, demeanor and body language, and relationship to the therapist.

Dissociation I assume is curable, correct me if I am wrong? Have you talked to a doctor about this?

[SovaNu]

not all dissociatives can be cured cuz the dissociation is there for a reason. you have to actually accept the past traumas as real and i can't. so there's no way to fix it.

self medicating keeps me from going crazy and suffering. if i don't have that i turn to other coping mechanisms.

my ideal job would be bed tester.

i'm interested in sleep disorders and stuff like that. and psychology. but can't see how to make money with such a degree and have no confidence in learning things.

[ALLDAYGLOWRANDY]

not all dissociatives can be cured cuz the dissociation is there for a reason. you have to actually accept the past traumas as real and i can't. so there's no way to fix it.

self medicating keeps me from going crazy and suffering. if i don't have that i turn to other coping mechanisms.

my ideal job would be bed tester.

i'm interested in sleep disorders and stuff like that. and psychology. but can't see how to make money with such a degree and have no confidence in learning things.

Cough cough   Ah choo

[duncvis]

As for depressed people not bothering to exercise, totally not true.

Have you ever had clinical depression, Hadron? Getting out of bed is an effort. Eating is an effort. Dressing is an effort. Being bothered to do pretty much ANYTHING is an effort, never mind going for a run. When you're at the bottom of the spiral, finding the energy, motivation and willpower to exercise is likely to be beyond most people. On the road to recovery, exercise can help enormously - I know it benefited me. But when the walls close in, going to the gym is pretty unlikely to be top of your list of priorities, don't you think?.

[odeon]

Have you ever had clinical depression, Hadron? Getting out of bed is an effort. Eating is an effort. Dressing is an effort. Being bothered to do pretty much ANYTHING is an effort, never mind going for a run. When you're at the bottom of the spiral, finding the energy, motivation and willpower to exercise is likely to be beyond most people. On the road to recovery, exercise can help enormously - I know it benefited me. But when the walls close in, going to the gym is pretty unlikely to be top of your list of priorities, don't you think?.

QFT

[Christopher McCandless]

not all dissociatives can be cured cuz the dissociation is there for a reason. you have to actually accept the past traumas as real and i can't. so there's no way to fix it.

A therapist might be able to help - have you considered going for counselling?

self medicating keeps me from going crazy and suffering. if i don't have that i turn to other coping mechanisms.

There might be better coping mechanisms out there, have you talked to a doctor.

my ideal job would be bed tester.

i'm interested in sleep disorders and stuff like that. and psychology. but can't see how to make money with such a degree and have no confidence in learning things.

Have a read:
http://www.psych.lancs.ac.uk/ug/careers.html
Also bear in mind with a degree you can do combined honours taking up two or more subjects, and that you don't neccesarily have to have a career in either of them - degrees are now more focused on skills than facts learnt. Plus you can do a masters and convert to another subject.

Really the important thing here is to start somewhere. Have you looked at the Open University for example?

[Christopher McCandless]

As for depressed people not bothering to exercise, totally not true.

Have you ever had clinical depression, Hadron? Getting out of bed is an effort. Eating is an effort. Dressing is an effort. Being bothered to do pretty much ANYTHING is an effort, never mind going for a run.

Yes - on more than one occasion. Also I have friends and family going through / having gone through it.

When you're at the bottom of the spiral, finding the energy, motivation and willpower to exercise is likely to be beyond most people.

Probably not for most people - but some certainly do. It also depends on their set of circumstances.

On the road to recovery, exercise can help enormously - I know it benefited me. But when the walls close in, going to the gym is pretty unlikely to be top of your list of priorities, don't you think?.

A person on the road to recovery still has clinical depression - and therefore is a depressed person.